I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
