I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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