Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
