I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
