And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
