My friends, they love my intelligence
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
