The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
