I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
