After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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