the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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