Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
