well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
