names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
