I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Will exercising make me less horny?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
