You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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