I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
