last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
