Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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