i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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