i just wanna soil my oats bro
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
