His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
