you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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