I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
