Michael Bay diarrhea
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
