When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
