I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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