My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
