Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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