I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
