i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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