somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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