Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
