Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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