she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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