went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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