I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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