I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
