Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
