Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
