i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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