Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
