I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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