I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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