No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
