So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
