You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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