I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
