Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude i'm inner monologue high
You smell like stripper and shame
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
