dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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