im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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