i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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